Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

For my peer reviewers:

To view and comment on my draft, click here.

I had some difficulty writing this piece. I found it fairly difficult to find my author's position on the subject since most of the article was presented in a listing of facts sort of format. I did derive some argument from the text, but I feel some of my body paragraphs (specifically the appeal to logic paragraph) seem like they may be lacking support in the text. So pay attention to that and let me know how I can improve.

I also think my conclusion could use some work. I actually really like the content of the conclusion, buy I think that it sounds more like an introduction or even a body paragraph. I have even considered reformatting and changing my whole paper to be more like the conclusion since it has more solid supporting evidence. Let me know what you think of this idea and the content of the conclusion.

Reflection:

At this point I have only been able to review one of my peer's projects. This is because the only other project I am able to comment on has already been extensively reviewed. If another one of my peers posts their link, I will be sure to revise this reflection.

I reviewed Brandon Goldenberg's draft.  Brandon's writing was fairly effective at communicating his ideas. However, while reading his draft I learned how easy it is to create wordy sentences when trying to communicate your ideas. I think this is a result of trying to maintain a professional tone. For example, Brandon writes, "A belief that I believe is shared by students who study science, is wanting to learn about ways to improve the quality of people's, animal's, and the world's lives." While, grammatically, this is not incorrect, his repitition of the word 'belief' is awkward. I understand that he is trying to clearly show that this belief is shared between himself and others in his field, but this format is clearly wordy and could be revised to be more concise (which was my advice to Brandon).